Photo Perspective

While we were staining the side deck today, Miah says to sister K, "When I get growed up like mom and dad, I'm going to marry you."
K chuckles and replies, "Miah, brothers and sisters can't marry each other. What, do you love me or something?"
"Yes, I love you," he answers.
"Do you know what you have to do when you are married?" she asks.
"No."
"You have to kiss each other on the lips!"
"Ewww. Yuck!" [giggle, giggle]

Apparently someone from our house used our phone to dial 911 today. They dialed and then hung up. About 5-7 minutes later, K came running to me yelling, "Mom there are policemen outside!" Three police officers pounded on the door and rushed in yelling "Police Department! Anyone in here?" After we convinced them that all was well, we questioned each child regarding a secret 911 phone call. They all deny it.

I have a suspicion that it could have been S - yes, the 11 month old. At about the time the 911 call was placed, I had S in my lap. I took the phone from its base and pressed "talk" to call my MIL. S grabbed the phone. I grabbed it back and dialed my MIL's number. Oddly, there was no sound at all - just dead line, so I hung up and dialed again. What are the chances that S actually pushed 911 in that order when she grabbed the phone? Are the chances greater that a certain older boy was interested in knowing IF the police would actually come if he called 911? I don't know, but I sure wish I did.

Yesterday, Miah was muttering under his breath, "Hurry, hurry, hurry." Then he turns to me and says, "Did you hear that?"
"What?"
"That 'hurry, hurry, hurry' sound."
A little confused, I just looked at him. Then he says, "Oh, that must have been the monster inside my body that said that."
Now I'm a LOT confused and after all my research on RAD, I'm thinking some wild things. So I ask, "Do you really think there is a monster inside you?"
"No, Mom, I'm just making a story."
Whew!

God recently gave me a friendship at our homeschool co-op that He has used to force me to be honest about my parenting of V. She encouraged me to seek help because V shows symptoms of Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). I have felt for years that I have been a failure as a mom to V (V has been home for almost 6 years now). We feel like we are getting nowhere in reaching his heart motivations for his behavior. V can be very obedient and sweet when his dad or I are paying attention to him, but as soon as we are not looking or out of earshot, he often resorts to bad behavior.

I just finished reading Adopting the Hurt Child by Gregory C. Keck & Regina Kupecky, where the author describes the dramatic effects that not being able to bond with a primary caregiver during the first 3 years of life has on a person's ability to relate to everyone in their world in their future. V spent his first 21 months in a Ukrainian hospital, then the next 16 months in an orphanage, so he experienced multiple changes of shifts in who was responsible for caring for him. Since we all learn to relate to people based on our first attachment to our primary caregivers, V did not develop an ability to totally trust us as his adoptive parents. This inability to trust leads to an inability to attach and can be exhibited in various ways for different kids such as:

Superficially engaging & charming
Lack of eye contact on parents terms
Indiscriminately affectionate with strangers
Not affectionate on Parents’ terms
Destructive to self, others and material things (accident prone)
Cruelty to animals
Lying about the obvious (crazy lying)
Stealing
No impulse controls (frequently acts hyperactive)
Learning Lags
Lack of cause-and-effect thinking
Lack of conscience
Abnormal eating patterns
Poor peer relationships
Preoccupation with fire
Preoccupation with blood & gore
Persistent nonsense questions & chatter
Inappropriately demanding & clingy
Abnormal speech patterns
Triangulation of adults
False allegations of abuse
Presumptive entitlement issues
- List is from www.attachment.org

Because of V's ability to be superficially engaging and charming, many of you who know V will find it difficult to believe that we struggle with his behavior. How many times have I heard, "Oh, I just LOVE that V! He is SO sweet, adorable, cute, ect."? So please trust us on this issue, and pray for healing for V as we start learning how we can help him overcome his hurts. We will be starting therapy with a therapist who specializes in attachment disorder in August (there's a LONG wait to get an evaluation done). In the meantime, we will be learning all we can about RAD and try some different parenting techniques that have worked for other kids with RAD.

Focus on the Family has an article about RAD if you would like to learn more.

There are hundreds of freebies on the web, but I'm looking for the ones that have several papers and elements that coordinate - often called kits or mini kits. Here are the links to what I've found so far this month:

Pink Poodle Studios - HUGE kit given away for an April contest

Lindsay Jane Designs

Designs by Krista

Sweet Digi Creations

Artistic Musings - scroll down for mini kit - link only available for a week

Oscraps - the Queen of Quirky put up a new freebie kit named Orbital

Kris Myers Designs - there is a large collection of various colored ribbons toward the bottom

jennyscrapplace - this one is definitely the find of the month - MANY kits for free here